Need Help Coping?

Having a wobbly?

It’s perfectly okay to …

  • have a good cry,
  • have a lousy day,
  • feel so angry that you could scream at anyone or anything,
  • stay in bed or at home for the whole day,
  • or even have the urge to throw something across the room and smash it,

but it is not okay …

  • if you feel you are sliding into that deep, dark hole.


  • Do not be alone.  Find someone to be with, whom you feel comfortable with.
  • If there is no-one available, get on the phone, call a family member, friend or a help line.
  • You need to talk to someone and know that you are not alone in your grief and pain.

If this is not possible or in addition to:

  • As our Granny used to say “Have a nice cup of tea dear. It will make you feel better”.
  • Make sure there is some background noise if you are alone. A radio talk show is ideal.
  • Distract yourself with some ‘mental popcorn’.
  • Watch a TV Soapie or a magazine programme (nothing with violence).
  • Read a magazine
  • Read an inspirational self-help book. Biographies are also good.
  • Get on the Internet and research a hobby or a topic you are or were interested in.
  • Go to a comedy or joke site and feel the benefit of a bit of laughter.

Opening your heart and letting the future in

  • Meditation and visualization is excellent.
  • Lie on your bed comfortably and close your eyes and think about a place you have always considered beautiful.
  • Take a deep breath – from the tummy, to a count of six. Hold that breathe to a count of six, and then slowly, let it out to a count of six.  Do this a few times.
  • Tense your muscles – starting with your toes and releasing them, all the way up to the top of your head. Tensing and releasing, while breathing calmly and slowly.
  • Continue to lie quietly, thinking of your beautiful place.  If it is the seaside, for instance, use all your senses and feel the sun warming you. Feel the sand running through your fingers and toes. Hear the crash of the waves. Look at the clear, blue sky, with the seagulls flying around and taste the saltiness of the sea air.
  • Read spiritual or inspirational books and biographies.
  • Join a gym or an adult education centre where you can learn to do something and meet different people.
  • Take up a hobby that you might have always wanted to do.
  • Exercise is great. Take walks or go hiking with a friend. Take swimming lessons.
  • Take your pet for a walk. If you do not have one, get yourself a pet. This is very healing and will certainly keep you occupied and is a good way to get a lot of exercise!

Do something to honour and commemorate your child’s memory.

  • Donate a trophy for prize giving at your child’s school.
  • Plant a tree in a public place.
  • Donate a bench with your child’s name on it to a park, school or a place where your child used to like visiting.
  • Donate a book to a library with your child’s name and dedication on it.


Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin colour will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,
not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,
empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.

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